I got up went upstairs and showered, shaved and dressed for the day. I called the funeral home to start the process. I told them where Alex's body was and then made an appointment to meet with them. I called Alex's mother and siblings go let them know what time we were meeting at the funeral home. Aaron came by the house first; his girlfriend came with. When I called Adam he said he thought they would be here in time but he wanted to know if he could speak at the funeral. It was something he felt he needed to do. I told him it was fine but the priest would need to give the OK. I then asked about pall bearers and wondered if he would consider being one. He said yes, he wanted to. When Aaron arrived I asked him as well and he said he was going to ask anyway, so yes. Both brothers wanted to carry their baby brother to his final resting place.
Now yesterday I had asked by son's girlfriend to put the picture board together as her part for the arrangements. She had only known Alex since April - only 8 months. The had moved in together in October. The twin home was owned by her grandparents and the rent was cheap. I didn't like it but Alex was of age to make his own choices so I didn't say anything although he knew how I felt. I just want my children to be happy as any parent does.
The funeral home called and said Alex's body could be released today so we would now be able to set a date for everything. This was a surprise as the medical examiner had just told me the day before that because of the holiday it would be several days.
After breakfast I went online and checked Facebook --- much to my surprise and shock Alex's girlfriend had changed her status to "engaged". Now my son had several times said he wouldn't get engaged until he was done with school. He was very adamant about this and if he would have gotten engaged I'm sure his mother would have been the first to know as he was very close with her. Now we find out once again on the Internet this surprising news. Needless to say the whole family was shocked as were my son's friends.
We met at the funeral home to make plans. When we got there the funeral director said Alex's body would be there soon and since it was a gunshot he would have to see if Alex's body could be viewed. The medical examiner said it could be but I didn't ask where the wound was so I didn't know for sure.
When Alex's body arrived the funeral director excused himself to go look at the body while we chose the memorial cards, verses, etc. He came back in and said he was viewable and that they were told that under no circumstances were we allowed to have his body cremated because of the ongoing investigation.
After all the arrangements were made we went home. I called family members to let them know the arrangements and then had to call my son's girlfriend and let her know and to get some things of Alex's for the wake and some clothes. She told us that she was not allowed on the property due to a crime scene and she still didn't have her vehicle back from the police. But she would get her grandparents to see if they could be allowed in to get a few things. I told her what I wanted and let her go.
Her mother called me later and said her daughter was gone getting a tattoo in honor of Alex and that her parents needed to get permission to go in and then how her daughter's vehicle was taken and how worried she was about her poor daughter . . . she hadn't slept or showered since Alex died. Her daughter had been up all night deciding whether she should put "engaged" or "windowed" as her Facebook status. Alex had asked her 40 minutes before he died to marry her but she felt since they were living together already it was more like "married". Her daughter has chosen "engaged". Her mother also said that they already had the rings all but picked up and had the songs picked out for the mothers' dance.
Now I can only say that as I heard these things my anxiety levels kept increasing . . . I thought to myself; what was going on? What point was there is saying these things? How can you say these things when my son in not here to verify any of this? What really happened the night my son died?
Her mother told me she would let me know when they got Alex's things for him to wear and we could then pick them up from her house.
I then called to get Alex a grave site. He will be buried right next to his Aunt Deanna. He adored her and had a tattoo on his left shoulder blade in her memorial. I do hope she was there to greet him on the other side.
The food was ordered for the funeral meal and we waited for the priest to call and make an appointment to meet with us to discuss the readings, gospel and prepare the eulogy. He called and set our appointment for Monday morning - the day of the visitation/wake.
The rest of the day I went through the motions of more phone calls from friends and family as well as visits from those offering sympathy. Adam and his wife arrived. I couldn't eat much or sleep and was totally exhausted.
This evening the neighbor's invited us over to visit with some of Alex's friends and to go through some pictures for the wake. They were at Duffs Bar when my son's girlfriend was there the day before telling her story. This time asking if everyone believed her. She even made a point to ask Mrs. neighbor specifically, "you believe me, don't you?" WTF!! Why would you need to ask this question if you are and always have been telling the truth???
This is how I spent my 49th birthday . . . planning my youngest child's funeral.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
January 1, 2011 - Part 1
I couldn't sleep all night. It was about 3:00 a.m. and I got up, put on my robe and went downstairs. I went to the computer and typed a letter to Alex.
My dearest Alex,
As I sit and type this I can barely see the screen in front of me for the tears flow uncontrollably. I miss you so very much and my heart is shattered into a billion pieces.
My mind goes to thoughts of "what if". I cannot change what has happened but know I would give my life in place of yours if I could. I long to hold you and tell you how much you are loved but I can never do that again. My arms are empty and longing for you.
I'm sorry you weren't strong enough to carry whatever burden was weighing you down but know that I would have gladly helped you carry it as would all of us here missing you.
You were such a joy in our lives. I don't know if you really understood how many lives you touched. Your quick wit and humor would always put a smile on faces even when we didn't think we could smile. You were always there willing to help in any way you could with anyone; even without them asking.
You accepted everyone and judged no one. When you loved; you love completely, giving your whole heart and I don't know if many people really understood that. I know this was sometimes hard on you.
You lived your life with such zest. How I admired that about you. You could strike up a conversation with anyone like you had been friends for years. You lived in the present never contemplating the past or thinking about the future.
Well, now your life on earth is completed. It was way to short and now mine is too long. A parent should not have to bury their child for the pain to too great. I pray that I can bare this pain of losing you but I know that one day when my time comes that I will see you again and I also pray that you will be there to welcome me home.
You are greatly loved and missed by all!
Be at peace now my dear son. I love you so much!!!
Dad
When I finished I went into the family room, pulled out the photo albums - I needed to find photos of Alex growing up. As I did all this I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably the whole time. Soon I curled up lying into a ball holding the photos albums using them as a pillow to catch my tears. This was now my only visual of my youngest child, whom I will never humanly see alive again. There I lay for several hours until Jeff came downstairs to see where I was.
My dearest Alex,
As I sit and type this I can barely see the screen in front of me for the tears flow uncontrollably. I miss you so very much and my heart is shattered into a billion pieces.
My mind goes to thoughts of "what if". I cannot change what has happened but know I would give my life in place of yours if I could. I long to hold you and tell you how much you are loved but I can never do that again. My arms are empty and longing for you.
I'm sorry you weren't strong enough to carry whatever burden was weighing you down but know that I would have gladly helped you carry it as would all of us here missing you.
You were such a joy in our lives. I don't know if you really understood how many lives you touched. Your quick wit and humor would always put a smile on faces even when we didn't think we could smile. You were always there willing to help in any way you could with anyone; even without them asking.
You accepted everyone and judged no one. When you loved; you love completely, giving your whole heart and I don't know if many people really understood that. I know this was sometimes hard on you.
You lived your life with such zest. How I admired that about you. You could strike up a conversation with anyone like you had been friends for years. You lived in the present never contemplating the past or thinking about the future.
Well, now your life on earth is completed. It was way to short and now mine is too long. A parent should not have to bury their child for the pain to too great. I pray that I can bare this pain of losing you but I know that one day when my time comes that I will see you again and I also pray that you will be there to welcome me home.
You are greatly loved and missed by all!
Be at peace now my dear son. I love you so much!!!
Dad
When I finished I went into the family room, pulled out the photo albums - I needed to find photos of Alex growing up. As I did all this I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably the whole time. Soon I curled up lying into a ball holding the photos albums using them as a pillow to catch my tears. This was now my only visual of my youngest child, whom I will never humanly see alive again. There I lay for several hours until Jeff came downstairs to see where I was.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
December 31, 2010 - Part 3
The following is the story my son's girlfriend told us.
She was at work the evening of December 30th, 2010 until 9:00 p.m. or so at the Coliseum Bar. Alex went with her as he often did. Alex helped her set up and prep for the next night - New Years Eve. The owner of the bar said to give him a couple of free drinks for helping out. She said he had a couple of beers and then she served him two Captain Morgan Cokes.
One of her friends was there and had a little too much to drink so Alex drove the friends car to her home as it was close by and his girlfriend followed. They spent some time there. Alex had a couple shots of whiskey there.
Alex was hungry and tired and had to work the next morning. Now, the girlfriend said that Alex was drunk at this time and he wanted to go to Perkins Restaurant and eat. They left about 12:30 a.m. or so to go to Perkins. She said Alex fell asleep on the way so she decided to go through the drive-through at McDonald's instead. On the way to McDonald's driving down Highway 55 she said Alex woke up and told her to pull over, he wasn't feeling well . . . which she did. He opened the door got out and spit a few times, got back in and said, "Can we go to Perkins now?" She told him he was too tired and he asked, "Perkins now?" So they went.
They were sitting at Perkins, ordered their meal and Alex fell asleep waiting for the food. His girlfriend woke him and told him she would get the food boxed up and they would take it home and eat it there. Alex went out to the vehicle and waited for her there, falling asleep.
She drove them home and woke Alex when they got there, got him into the house and to the bedroom to get ready for bed. He went to the bathroom and then to the bedroom where his girlfriend was. He shut the door and stood in front of it and then called her, "a fucking bitch." She said she was surprised because he never acted like this before and she couldn't believe it. She then asked Alex why he was being like this and told him she was going to the kitchen to eat. She said he then shoved her and again called her, "a fucking bitch" and told her she wasn't leaving and shoved her a second time knocking over a small table and lamp. She then said she went to the bathroom to take a bath and it would give Alex time to calm down. She shut the bathroom door and then said Alex kicked it in. She then told him she was going for a drive and give him time to calm down.
She left and drove a little ways and called her friend AA to tell her what happened and asked if she could spend the night at her place. This was about 1:30 a.m. that she left home and about 10 minutes or so later went back home to get a few things and let Alex know she would be back in the morning to then take him to work as he had no vehicle to drive.
She parked in the driveway, went in the front door and said it was quiet and she thought maybe Alex fell asleep. She was going to the bedroom and walked by the bathroom seeing Alex lying on the floor with his gun lying on him. He was on his side between the toilet and the bathtub. She said she didn't see a wound but thought he shot himself in the head. She shook his leg to see if he would move and he didn't. She then jumped over him into the bathtub, saw a bullet in the tub and called her friend AA again and asked what to do, she thinks Alex is dead. Her friend told her to call 911, which she then did.
The police asked her to wait outside for them to arrive. She said she then got out of the bathroom and home being very careful not to touch anything because she's watched enough CSI (or some show like it) to know not to mess up any evidence and went outside. She wanted to call me but didn't have my home number.
While his girlfriend told her story her mother had interjected several times, "It was the whiskey. It messes up the mind. It's the whiskey, it's the whiskey."
The police questioned her at the scene and asked her to submit to a gun residue test, which she said pissed her off but she did it. When they took Alex's body away she wanted to run over to him and hit him for doing this.
She said Alex never acted like this before and never talked about killing himself but thought the whiskey changed him. Everything was going great for him . . . her dad was getting him a $20 per hour job, school was going well, there was no reason Alex would have done this other than the whiskey. Her mother then repeated what she said before.
My neighbor's son then said he was going to try getting back with Alex after the first of the year and apologize to him for being angry with him. The girlfriend told my neighbor's son how much Alex missed him and that after the first of the year Alex was going to call him and how she was encouraging him to do so.
Before my son's girlfriend and her mother left, her mother asked me to make sure to include her daughter in all the arrangments. I said I didn't have many pictures of Alex as an adult so I asked his girlfriend to put a picture board together since she had so many pictures of him, which she agreed to do.
She was at work the evening of December 30th, 2010 until 9:00 p.m. or so at the Coliseum Bar. Alex went with her as he often did. Alex helped her set up and prep for the next night - New Years Eve. The owner of the bar said to give him a couple of free drinks for helping out. She said he had a couple of beers and then she served him two Captain Morgan Cokes.
One of her friends was there and had a little too much to drink so Alex drove the friends car to her home as it was close by and his girlfriend followed. They spent some time there. Alex had a couple shots of whiskey there.
Alex was hungry and tired and had to work the next morning. Now, the girlfriend said that Alex was drunk at this time and he wanted to go to Perkins Restaurant and eat. They left about 12:30 a.m. or so to go to Perkins. She said Alex fell asleep on the way so she decided to go through the drive-through at McDonald's instead. On the way to McDonald's driving down Highway 55 she said Alex woke up and told her to pull over, he wasn't feeling well . . . which she did. He opened the door got out and spit a few times, got back in and said, "Can we go to Perkins now?" She told him he was too tired and he asked, "Perkins now?" So they went.
They were sitting at Perkins, ordered their meal and Alex fell asleep waiting for the food. His girlfriend woke him and told him she would get the food boxed up and they would take it home and eat it there. Alex went out to the vehicle and waited for her there, falling asleep.
She drove them home and woke Alex when they got there, got him into the house and to the bedroom to get ready for bed. He went to the bathroom and then to the bedroom where his girlfriend was. He shut the door and stood in front of it and then called her, "a fucking bitch." She said she was surprised because he never acted like this before and she couldn't believe it. She then asked Alex why he was being like this and told him she was going to the kitchen to eat. She said he then shoved her and again called her, "a fucking bitch" and told her she wasn't leaving and shoved her a second time knocking over a small table and lamp. She then said she went to the bathroom to take a bath and it would give Alex time to calm down. She shut the bathroom door and then said Alex kicked it in. She then told him she was going for a drive and give him time to calm down.
She left and drove a little ways and called her friend AA to tell her what happened and asked if she could spend the night at her place. This was about 1:30 a.m. that she left home and about 10 minutes or so later went back home to get a few things and let Alex know she would be back in the morning to then take him to work as he had no vehicle to drive.
She parked in the driveway, went in the front door and said it was quiet and she thought maybe Alex fell asleep. She was going to the bedroom and walked by the bathroom seeing Alex lying on the floor with his gun lying on him. He was on his side between the toilet and the bathtub. She said she didn't see a wound but thought he shot himself in the head. She shook his leg to see if he would move and he didn't. She then jumped over him into the bathtub, saw a bullet in the tub and called her friend AA again and asked what to do, she thinks Alex is dead. Her friend told her to call 911, which she then did.
The police asked her to wait outside for them to arrive. She said she then got out of the bathroom and home being very careful not to touch anything because she's watched enough CSI (or some show like it) to know not to mess up any evidence and went outside. She wanted to call me but didn't have my home number.
While his girlfriend told her story her mother had interjected several times, "It was the whiskey. It messes up the mind. It's the whiskey, it's the whiskey."
The police questioned her at the scene and asked her to submit to a gun residue test, which she said pissed her off but she did it. When they took Alex's body away she wanted to run over to him and hit him for doing this.
She said Alex never acted like this before and never talked about killing himself but thought the whiskey changed him. Everything was going great for him . . . her dad was getting him a $20 per hour job, school was going well, there was no reason Alex would have done this other than the whiskey. Her mother then repeated what she said before.
My neighbor's son then said he was going to try getting back with Alex after the first of the year and apologize to him for being angry with him. The girlfriend told my neighbor's son how much Alex missed him and that after the first of the year Alex was going to call him and how she was encouraging him to do so.
Before my son's girlfriend and her mother left, her mother asked me to make sure to include her daughter in all the arrangments. I said I didn't have many pictures of Alex as an adult so I asked his girlfriend to put a picture board together since she had so many pictures of him, which she agreed to do.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
December 31, 2010 - Part 2
Jeff and I go home. As we drive by the neighbors I think to myself, oh my God how do I tell them, they are his second parents. We don't stop . . . I need to tell my eldest son first. When I get home I try calling him again - no answer. I try his wife, get her voicemail and tell her to have my son call home as soon as possible. A few minutes later he calls asking what's wrong? I repeat everything all over again. He starts crying and saying, "No! No! No, not Alex!" I try to get him to calm down and he tells me he and his wife will be here as soon as they can.
I call the neighbor's and leave a message on their answering maching - I don't know how I even said it but know I told them Alex was gone.
The rest of the morning goes by. I know I showered. I don't know if I ate breakfast or what else happened. I do remember that my daughter, her husband and my grandaughter came over and spent the day with us.
The neighbor, my son's second mother, came over and as I met her at the door she was looking at me saying, "It's not true, tell me it's not true." We immediately hug each other and I say, "Yes, it's true", and we just hold each other and cry. She had heard it from her son and didn't get my message. She just came right over to find out if it was really true and that her son saw it posted on facebook by my deceased son's girlfriend and thought it was a cruel joke. Then her husband, Alex's second dad, came to the door already in tears and just hugged me. He was devastated . . . he had heard my answering machine message.
The neighbors are like family in my heart. They love Alex and treated him like a son and he loved them and called them Mom and Dad. Their two sons were considered Alex's younger and little brothers. Alex had even taught their youngest how to ride a bike.
I remember later that morning or early afternoon (time didn't seem to matter at this point. Alex was gone and I was still in shock) the girlfriends mother called me to see if she and her daughter could come over because his girlfriend wanted to see us. However, her mother wouldn't let her drive and the police had taken his girlfriends vehicle. So I said yes that would be fine.
When they got here we hugged and cried and then my deceased son's girlfriend asked if I wanted to know what happened. I said, "I want to know everything. I am his dad."
While still standing in the foyer, the neighbors son came by to cry with us and comfort us. He needed comforting too as Alex was a brother to him. We all went into the family room and sat down. It was me and Jeff, my daughter and her husband and the neighbors son along with my deceased son's girlfriend and her mother.
I call the neighbor's and leave a message on their answering maching - I don't know how I even said it but know I told them Alex was gone.
The rest of the morning goes by. I know I showered. I don't know if I ate breakfast or what else happened. I do remember that my daughter, her husband and my grandaughter came over and spent the day with us.
The neighbor, my son's second mother, came over and as I met her at the door she was looking at me saying, "It's not true, tell me it's not true." We immediately hug each other and I say, "Yes, it's true", and we just hold each other and cry. She had heard it from her son and didn't get my message. She just came right over to find out if it was really true and that her son saw it posted on facebook by my deceased son's girlfriend and thought it was a cruel joke. Then her husband, Alex's second dad, came to the door already in tears and just hugged me. He was devastated . . . he had heard my answering machine message.
The neighbors are like family in my heart. They love Alex and treated him like a son and he loved them and called them Mom and Dad. Their two sons were considered Alex's younger and little brothers. Alex had even taught their youngest how to ride a bike.
I remember later that morning or early afternoon (time didn't seem to matter at this point. Alex was gone and I was still in shock) the girlfriends mother called me to see if she and her daughter could come over because his girlfriend wanted to see us. However, her mother wouldn't let her drive and the police had taken his girlfriends vehicle. So I said yes that would be fine.
When they got here we hugged and cried and then my deceased son's girlfriend asked if I wanted to know what happened. I said, "I want to know everything. I am his dad."
While still standing in the foyer, the neighbors son came by to cry with us and comfort us. He needed comforting too as Alex was a brother to him. We all went into the family room and sat down. It was me and Jeff, my daughter and her husband and the neighbors son along with my deceased son's girlfriend and her mother.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
December 31, 2010 - Part 1
It's about 6:30 a.m. and I'm lying in bed just half asleep. I hear the doorbell and wake Jeff and say that someone is at the door. We start to get out of bed to put on some clothes and the bell rings again. I go to open the bedroom door and now someone is pounding on the door. I don't turn on any inside lights so I can see who's there before I open the front door. I turn on the outside lights and see two sheriff deputies standing outside. I open the door and one of the deputy's asks if I'm Kevin and I reply yes. They request if they can come in and ask me to sit down. Immediately my heart sinks - I know something is wrong.
Then I hear the words no parent ever wants to hear, "Is Alexander your son? He was found deceased in Woodbury." I'm in shock; I don't know how to respond. I ask, "What? How? Was it a car accident. Is his girlfriend OK?"
The deputy doesn't know any details. He was just dispatched to give me this devastating message. He gives me his card and a note card with a number to call . . . Ramsey County Coroners Office. He tells me he's deeply sorry for my loss and then both deputies leave.
I see Jeff from the corner of my eye but just say, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" and cry. I now have to call Alex's mother and siblings to tell them the worst news possible.
I first call the coroner to find out how Alex died. The woman answered and gave me her condolences and tells me Alex died from what appears to be a single gunshot to the head. I'm in disbelief - a gunshot . . . what? . . . I can't believe what I'm hearing. She tells me due to the holiday it may take a few days before his body will be released. She then gave me a name and phone number for the police officer who was at the scene.
I call the officer and he tells me that it was a gunshot and it happened at the twin home that he was living at. I ask if his girlfriend was involved. He said she was the only one questioned and that there was no one in custody. And that's all that he can say right now. He tells me the girlfriends mother asked them to give me her phone number.
I call her and she tells me Alex shot himself . . . suicide. She's so sorry and feels terrible for her daughter because she found him. I then give the phone to Jeff . . . I cannot speak . . . I sob uncontrollably. I let Jeff finish the conversation.
I pull myself together and pick up the phone and call Alex's mother - I tell her to sit down, that I have some bad news. I then tell her right out because I don't know how else to say it . . . Alex is dead - then silence. I hear, "What? What happened?" I give her the information I've been told. I ask her to call her family and that I will call the children and tell them as well as my family. She says, OK . . . still stunned by my news. I tell her to drive up when she can and to drive safely. I then dial my daughter's number and repeat the news to her.
I call my eldest son; he's in Pennsylvania with his wife visiting for the holidays. I can't get through and leave a message on his voicemail to call me as soon as he gets this message---it's an emergency.
Instead of calling my younger son I decide to go tell him in person since he lives only a mile away. He works the night shift so he would just be getting home. It's probably now around 7:15/7:30 a.m. Jeff drives me. We get there and my son is not home yet. I call him to see where he is. He tells me he's working overtime and won't be off until 10:00 a.m. I ask to talk to his manager. He's not there. I ask my son to see if he can come home now - there's an emergency and that I'll talk to him when he gets home. He gets approval and hangs up. Since he won't be home for about 40 minutes I ask Jeff to take me to my parents' house - I need to tell them in person.
We get there and I ask them both to sit down and then, sobbing, I tell them Alex has died. I tell them what I know. I can't stop crying - my youngest child has died. My mother is crying but trying to contain herself and my father just looks stunned. He doesn't say anything. My mother says she'll call the family and let them know and I thank her because I just can't do it.
Jeff and I then leave to go back to my son's house. We pull in and wait for him to arrive. When he gets there we go into the house and I tell him Alex has died . . . he starts to cry and says he knew something was up because he had gotten a couple of text messages from his cousin and a friend asking if it was true about his brother and how sorry they were.
I'm now reeling - where did they get this news from? Hardly anyone has been told. I find out later that my now deceased son's girlfriend had it posted on Facebook around 7:00 a.m. - before I even got to tell my own immediate family.
Then I hear the words no parent ever wants to hear, "Is Alexander your son? He was found deceased in Woodbury." I'm in shock; I don't know how to respond. I ask, "What? How? Was it a car accident. Is his girlfriend OK?"
The deputy doesn't know any details. He was just dispatched to give me this devastating message. He gives me his card and a note card with a number to call . . . Ramsey County Coroners Office. He tells me he's deeply sorry for my loss and then both deputies leave.
I see Jeff from the corner of my eye but just say, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" and cry. I now have to call Alex's mother and siblings to tell them the worst news possible.
I first call the coroner to find out how Alex died. The woman answered and gave me her condolences and tells me Alex died from what appears to be a single gunshot to the head. I'm in disbelief - a gunshot . . . what? . . . I can't believe what I'm hearing. She tells me due to the holiday it may take a few days before his body will be released. She then gave me a name and phone number for the police officer who was at the scene.
I call the officer and he tells me that it was a gunshot and it happened at the twin home that he was living at. I ask if his girlfriend was involved. He said she was the only one questioned and that there was no one in custody. And that's all that he can say right now. He tells me the girlfriends mother asked them to give me her phone number.
I call her and she tells me Alex shot himself . . . suicide. She's so sorry and feels terrible for her daughter because she found him. I then give the phone to Jeff . . . I cannot speak . . . I sob uncontrollably. I let Jeff finish the conversation.
I pull myself together and pick up the phone and call Alex's mother - I tell her to sit down, that I have some bad news. I then tell her right out because I don't know how else to say it . . . Alex is dead - then silence. I hear, "What? What happened?" I give her the information I've been told. I ask her to call her family and that I will call the children and tell them as well as my family. She says, OK . . . still stunned by my news. I tell her to drive up when she can and to drive safely. I then dial my daughter's number and repeat the news to her.
I call my eldest son; he's in Pennsylvania with his wife visiting for the holidays. I can't get through and leave a message on his voicemail to call me as soon as he gets this message---it's an emergency.
Instead of calling my younger son I decide to go tell him in person since he lives only a mile away. He works the night shift so he would just be getting home. It's probably now around 7:15/7:30 a.m. Jeff drives me. We get there and my son is not home yet. I call him to see where he is. He tells me he's working overtime and won't be off until 10:00 a.m. I ask to talk to his manager. He's not there. I ask my son to see if he can come home now - there's an emergency and that I'll talk to him when he gets home. He gets approval and hangs up. Since he won't be home for about 40 minutes I ask Jeff to take me to my parents' house - I need to tell them in person.
We get there and I ask them both to sit down and then, sobbing, I tell them Alex has died. I tell them what I know. I can't stop crying - my youngest child has died. My mother is crying but trying to contain herself and my father just looks stunned. He doesn't say anything. My mother says she'll call the family and let them know and I thank her because I just can't do it.
Jeff and I then leave to go back to my son's house. We pull in and wait for him to arrive. When he gets there we go into the house and I tell him Alex has died . . . he starts to cry and says he knew something was up because he had gotten a couple of text messages from his cousin and a friend asking if it was true about his brother and how sorry they were.
I'm now reeling - where did they get this news from? Hardly anyone has been told. I find out later that my now deceased son's girlfriend had it posted on Facebook around 7:00 a.m. - before I even got to tell my own immediate family.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
For the Love of Alexander
Who is Alexander, or Alex as he was called? Alex is my son. I use "is" even though he has passed away. I believe in life of the spirit which never dies so "is" is appropriate.
Alex was a blessing to all who knew him on earth and remains so now and always will be. Alex was a very social person who loved life. He made friends so very easily - a trait I always admired in him. He never judged and always made people laugh even at times when they didn't think they could.
I obviously love my son very much as I do all my children . . . four . . . all blessings! Alex was a very tenacious young man. He taught me many things about myself as well as others in his short 22 year life on earth. Yes, he could test your patience from time to time, but who doesn't? I would gladly trade places with him if it were possible. He brought so much joy to everyone around him.
His life on earth tragically ended in the early morning hours on December 31, 2010 . . . the day before my 49th birthday.
Alex was a blessing to all who knew him on earth and remains so now and always will be. Alex was a very social person who loved life. He made friends so very easily - a trait I always admired in him. He never judged and always made people laugh even at times when they didn't think they could.
I obviously love my son very much as I do all my children . . . four . . . all blessings! Alex was a very tenacious young man. He taught me many things about myself as well as others in his short 22 year life on earth. Yes, he could test your patience from time to time, but who doesn't? I would gladly trade places with him if it were possible. He brought so much joy to everyone around him.
His life on earth tragically ended in the early morning hours on December 31, 2010 . . . the day before my 49th birthday.
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