I got up went upstairs and showered, shaved and dressed for the day. I called the funeral home to start the process. I told them where Alex's body was and then made an appointment to meet with them. I called Alex's mother and siblings go let them know what time we were meeting at the funeral home. Aaron came by the house first; his girlfriend came with. When I called Adam he said he thought they would be here in time but he wanted to know if he could speak at the funeral. It was something he felt he needed to do. I told him it was fine but the priest would need to give the OK. I then asked about pall bearers and wondered if he would consider being one. He said yes, he wanted to. When Aaron arrived I asked him as well and he said he was going to ask anyway, so yes. Both brothers wanted to carry their baby brother to his final resting place.
Now yesterday I had asked by son's girlfriend to put the picture board together as her part for the arrangements. She had only known Alex since April - only 8 months. The had moved in together in October. The twin home was owned by her grandparents and the rent was cheap. I didn't like it but Alex was of age to make his own choices so I didn't say anything although he knew how I felt. I just want my children to be happy as any parent does.
The funeral home called and said Alex's body could be released today so we would now be able to set a date for everything. This was a surprise as the medical examiner had just told me the day before that because of the holiday it would be several days.
After breakfast I went online and checked Facebook --- much to my surprise and shock Alex's girlfriend had changed her status to "engaged". Now my son had several times said he wouldn't get engaged until he was done with school. He was very adamant about this and if he would have gotten engaged I'm sure his mother would have been the first to know as he was very close with her. Now we find out once again on the Internet this surprising news. Needless to say the whole family was shocked as were my son's friends.
We met at the funeral home to make plans. When we got there the funeral director said Alex's body would be there soon and since it was a gunshot he would have to see if Alex's body could be viewed. The medical examiner said it could be but I didn't ask where the wound was so I didn't know for sure.
When Alex's body arrived the funeral director excused himself to go look at the body while we chose the memorial cards, verses, etc. He came back in and said he was viewable and that they were told that under no circumstances were we allowed to have his body cremated because of the ongoing investigation.
After all the arrangements were made we went home. I called family members to let them know the arrangements and then had to call my son's girlfriend and let her know and to get some things of Alex's for the wake and some clothes. She told us that she was not allowed on the property due to a crime scene and she still didn't have her vehicle back from the police. But she would get her grandparents to see if they could be allowed in to get a few things. I told her what I wanted and let her go.
Her mother called me later and said her daughter was gone getting a tattoo in honor of Alex and that her parents needed to get permission to go in and then how her daughter's vehicle was taken and how worried she was about her poor daughter . . . she hadn't slept or showered since Alex died. Her daughter had been up all night deciding whether she should put "engaged" or "windowed" as her Facebook status. Alex had asked her 40 minutes before he died to marry her but she felt since they were living together already it was more like "married". Her daughter has chosen "engaged". Her mother also said that they already had the rings all but picked up and had the songs picked out for the mothers' dance.
Now I can only say that as I heard these things my anxiety levels kept increasing . . . I thought to myself; what was going on? What point was there is saying these things? How can you say these things when my son in not here to verify any of this? What really happened the night my son died?
Her mother told me she would let me know when they got Alex's things for him to wear and we could then pick them up from her house.
I then called to get Alex a grave site. He will be buried right next to his Aunt Deanna. He adored her and had a tattoo on his left shoulder blade in her memorial. I do hope she was there to greet him on the other side.
The food was ordered for the funeral meal and we waited for the priest to call and make an appointment to meet with us to discuss the readings, gospel and prepare the eulogy. He called and set our appointment for Monday morning - the day of the visitation/wake.
The rest of the day I went through the motions of more phone calls from friends and family as well as visits from those offering sympathy. Adam and his wife arrived. I couldn't eat much or sleep and was totally exhausted.
This evening the neighbor's invited us over to visit with some of Alex's friends and to go through some pictures for the wake. They were at Duffs Bar when my son's girlfriend was there the day before telling her story. This time asking if everyone believed her. She even made a point to ask Mrs. neighbor specifically, "you believe me, don't you?" WTF!! Why would you need to ask this question if you are and always have been telling the truth???
This is how I spent my 49th birthday . . . planning my youngest child's funeral.
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